This post will be more on the serious sides of things. I hope that me sharing my Journey through the next few months and this year will help someone. If you don't like what I have to say. STOP reading then because this is the start of my personal journal through this! Thanks!
With that being said. This week has been a trial for me. Monday was a normal Monday, filled with the boy in the morning, then me doing errands, and then getting ready for work, and the late shift. Wasn't so bad but work was hectic.
Tuesday was one of the worst days of my life. Work was crazy, I had crabby/ rude customers all day long. I tried not it to let me get down. But I had my weekly doctor appointment for my shots on Tuesday. Well My doctor said that nothing we have tried seems to be working. My kidneys and my bladder are getting worse. and nothing is helping. So she decided that I am going on a drug that is a form of Chemotherapy (YIKES! Granted it only has a little in it but still ) and other things mixed. Most of it is other drugs and doesn't have much chemo in it, but still. I will have to be on this for a minimum of a year. It may take 3-6 months for anything to work to feel better. But side affects can happen starting day 1- 3 months, and last up to a year of not being on the drug. BUT it has miracle studies of working and fixing my "disease" that I have.
So Tuesday night was spent on the phone with my mom Bawling my eyes out and crying in Ham's lap. He normally stays on Tuesday and thank goodness he worked days. I was a train wreck. He took me to dinner, and we sat and talked and he told me once again that No matter what happened he would stay by my side through the whole thing and that he would help me out! I can't say how much my love for him has grown this week.
I am scared. I don't want to loose my hair, I don't want to be sick, I just want to FEEL NORMAL...
This being one of my favorite quotes I then decided to try and make the best of my situation. At least I'm not dying(okay well in my mind I was. But still there are worse cases out there. ) I will live and survive. This is just another challenge.
Wednesday was another SMACK to my face.
Although I can't say to much detail, however work was extremely hard, and lets just say...
So I am learning to accept that If people are not happy with me being me well then as the saying always goes.
God always opens one door when he closes another... (or however it goes) has been on my thoughts the last two days.
This week has taught me to accept me for me and I am and will be me.
I cherish the people who are close to me. A few people have been through my side through all of this and with out them I would be lost. I love my friends and family and well If you want to have me in your life than fine. But I won't beg for your friendship.
It's time for me to DANCE in the RAIN!! and I'm gonna start. I think 2012 will have new things headed my way!
Please pray for my health. I am scared. Please pray I get to keep my hair! Please pray that God opens doors for me!
Thank you for reading! Its FRIDAY! and I am excited!
Have a good weekend!
