Day Four: Just a warning, This can get deep...
Today's topic is: What year would you like to relive and why?
There is not per-say a year date, but more so the 10 months separated- waiting for divorce plus the four months that I was trying to get the courage to up and leave my ex-husband.
Yep, you all heard me correctly, for those of you knew to me or don't know me very well, I was married. I had been married 3 & 1/2 years at the time of my divorce.
I say this time frame is when I would have liked to relive most, because I felt so low, I felt like it was my fault, I felt like I would never be loved or wanted again. I had a really hard time. I know it was not my fault for what happened(Now but at the time this is how I felt.), or the fact that he had chosen to cheat, threaten, beat, and hold me at gun point. My ex was very abusive, and very emotionally draining. I lived in an area I knew hardly anyone. All I can say is this time frame is where I did a lot of searching for who I was and who I wanted to be. It was a low point but I can say I am grateful for it.
However what I didn't know was that I was leaving the worst time in my life, preparing for my best time in life. I can say I am honestly happy where I am in life. I have an amazing Career that has me on my way to board/ fly on a plane today for 8 days for a business trip. I have my family back in my life. I have my parents and friends and family that I can am allowed to talk to again.
And not to mention I have the most amazing man in my life now. There is no fighting, and there is no arguments, and the worst thing I hear from him is that I occasionally dress like an old Grandma. (Jokingly). I wouldn't have the FurChild, or half of my closest and amazing friends that I do now.
I can't say where life would have taken me if I had chose to get out any sooner or later. But I would look back at the time then and tell my self it will be okay, you will find love and someone who wants you and cherish's you, and appreciates you for who YOU are and not what they want you to be.
I know most people don't like change and they don't know how to handle it sometimes when curve balls are thrown your way, But every time it has happened in my life, It has been for the better, or Something good has came out of it. I have been through a few of these that I look back on, some are bitter sweet and some are funny, and some are serious. However at the end of the day, the thing that matters is to look at life as a learning experience. You don't have control of where life takes you, but you have control of how you handle it.
So I guess I would just go back and relive and tell myself a few things, and would have embraced the people around me that did care. I would tell my self it would be okay, things will work out, You will eventually move to the area you left when you moved out of your moms, that you will find a career, and you will be happy again. I think that's the main key here.
